5 Essential Questions To Ask Your Parents For A Deeper Connection

It's easy to reduce parents to stereotypical "mom" or "dad," but that's a shame because they lived full lives before you were born. Everyday life's distractions, such as status updates and small chats or the habitual avoidance of difficult conversations, can get the best of us. You can't go wrong with a collection of questions to ask your parents whether you want to learn more about them, improve your relationship with them, or even just help your kids bond with their grandparents.

If you want to learn more about your parents and make discoveries, try answering the five questions below. Whether you're planning a phone conversation or a family reunion, pick a few to use. When you and your loved ones join in, you'll see each other in a new light.

Tips for getting to know your parents better through conversation

To start, this isn't going to be a one-and-done deal. According to Dr. Awosan, if you want to know your parents beyond your family ties, you should try to have many or even continuous sessions of questioning them.

Second, it is advised that when you ask inquiries, don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. There can be deeper subconscious drives, adding that more peer-level, person-to-person talks with parents are worth discussing. When you were a kid, you might want to know why your parents did things in a certain way. When parents realize you disagree with their previous approaches, it can make them defensive. Consider asking a different question if you already have an idea of the answer you desire.

If you encounter defensive parents, try gently inquiring as to why. Beginning with "How long have you felt this way?" is a decent strategy. Another option is to inquire as to whether or not they have ever experienced these sensations before and to gain further insight into why they are experiencing them. In Tai Chi, when force comes toward you, you move in the direction of the force. 

Compare that to boxing, where the harder someone punches, the harder the opponent punches back. 

Finally, remember that people have different degrees of comfort with divulging personal information, so preparing questions to ask your parents can be inherently intimate. 

Let’s get started!

1. Inquire about previous relationships -

When you only know your parents through the bonds, they've forged with you and your other parents, it could be hard to fathom that they were unique individuals before those interactions. Discovering your parents past romantic relationships can help you break them off the illusion that you view them through.

Your parents' responses and life experiences can teach you a lot about their interests, their phases of life, and even potential alternative paths that you could have taken. You can learn a lot about your parents' humanity by discovering their love and hurt stories and how they impacted them.

2. Find out what kind of journey they've always dreamed of going on.

The dreams that people have can tell you a lot about who they are. One way to learn about your parents' motivations and interests is to inquire about their childhood dreams or an adventure that has been on their bucket list.

Your parents' medical career may have been cut short because they always wanted to be a jet pilot. On the other hand, you could find out that your shy parent has long dreamed of skydiving. With this knowledge, you may be able to go on exciting new experiences and make lasting memories as a couple.

3. Inquire as to whose death had the most impact on them.

You can learn a lot about your parents' most significant relationships and affections by observing how they grieve. Find out what your parents value most by finding out who died and how it affected them the most. What they say in response could also throw light on intriguing anecdotes from their past that otherwise wouldn't have surfaced in casual conversation.

4. Inquire about the time frame before you.

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An incredible gift might be the knowledge of your parents' lives before you entered the picture, the ways in which you shaped them, and the events that shaped your childhood. You can learn a lot about your parents' bond or how they changed for the better so you can have a better life. On the other hand, specifics regarding the pregnancy, the emotions of both parents upon your birth, and the stories that marked each milestone may become known to you.

5. What one piece of wise counsel would they give?

You can learn a lot about your parents' attitude toward life and the important lessons they've learned from their experiences by reading their memoirs. To better comprehend your parents' desired legacy upon their passing and to gain meaning in life, it is helpful to learn their most important piece of life advice.

In the end!

Some of these questions can be too personal, even if your family has always been forthright about discussing money. Despite the emotional unpleasantness, focusing on developing a fruitful conversation is the most important thing. You can establish common ground by being open and honest about how challenging it is to ask these questions. Then, you can restate that the talk is meant to help your parents and assist them in reaching their goals after retirement.